It all happen on Monday 23 Dec, I had plan to head to our family doctor as I'm down with blocked nose for days. So when I woke up I saw my grandmother and she told me she's going to bring YeYe to the hospital to check up. Apparently he has been feeling unwell off and on the weekend. So in the end, my sister and I will settle our lunch while she go to the hospital. So when I've finish visiting the doctor and we were getting lunch. My mum called my sister and told her YeYe's heart has stop beating and the doctors are trying to revive him. So we were trying to flag a cab but it took us some time, at that point I was still calm. I was wishing and praying that it's not true. That he won't be taken away from us now. (I guess i was trying to see the best of things) So when we finally got a cab, I just kept telling myself and god "please, not now. I haven done many things for him and with him." So when I reached the hospital it was the same time as my parents. But the minute my dad came out of the cab. He said "YeYe go already." I didn't want to believe it, I thought they were still reviving him. I kept hoping it isn't true. The tears just came down even though I tried stopping it. I thought maybe it's not the final confirmation i need to see and hear for myself. Then we stand outside the room waiting to go in but they say we can't yet. They got to check which took some time so during that time I was like "okay, maybe still saving. Please let him get through" Then the nurse came and asked us to proceed some where else following her direction. Half way I heard my grandma called out my name and I saw her and immediately walk towards her. That's when she broke the news to me. “爷爷，走了。” I was just shocked, why? What happen? Why so sudden?
We were asked to wait for them to push YeYe into a room so all of us can see and talked to him. When we saw him, it was so heart wrecking. I couldn't believe he was just lying there. Still but his body was still warm. I dare not touch him at first, I was scared. But I took the courage to just touch his head, put my hands on top of his because I know, if I don't I won't ever get a chance to anymore. And the rest was calling relatives and making arrangements. It's hard to cope with my feelings, what makes it harder is seeing my parents, aunties, uncle and my grandma calling out to him, crying. It's just so heart breaking to see and hear them. I didn't dare to call out to him, I was scared my voice would break. I rather I call him out inside my heart. That way, I could keep my feelings under control.
All the things I want to do for him, not bringing him out more often, not spending enough time with him, not talking to him more. What makes me sad and regretful was I didn't had time to talk to him during the weekend. I was busy with work and coming home late for that two days, and finally Sunday I managed to see him a while and spoke very little to him. And time wasn't on our side, I haven bring him out more. Even though I said regretful, but I know nothing is going to change. I shouldn't be like this, I should let him go and walk his path and let him be happy. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you, YeYe. But thank you so much for taking care of me throughout my 22 years of life. You love us all the same and we are glad to have you as our grandfather. All the times you send me to school when you were younger and stronger, as age catch up on you, you couldn't do the same for us anymore. Every time we come home you would smile to us and welcome us home, give us some money and asked us to buy ourselves good food when you win some from 4D/ToTo. Remember our Chinese birthdays and telling mama so that she will buy roasted duck thigh for us to eat. When you had your haircut, I love to play them cause they are so soft and nice. And whatever food you eat, you'll ask me to have some.
But I have no regrets, like someone told me that having a person like you is our blessing that at least we get to spend part of our life with you. I'm not sure how I will cope in the future but now I know that I want to send you off with no regrets. So that you don't have to worry about just and find peace.
YeYe, I will take care of MaMa. I will bring her out more often, spend more time with her. So don't worry and walk the path you have to walk. A fortune teller told us that YeYe will reincarnate 3 times as a human and his life will be good. That's really comforting to hear. So YeYe, don't worry just rest in peace. I love you.
“I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.” -(Leo Buscaglia)
So without forgetting you, you will always live in our hearts and memory. I will miss you, YeYe. Our most recent photo to celebrate his birthday and my brother's birthday and now it's my most treasured photo.
So everyone, I know people always say to cherish every single day and time you have to the fullest. But who actually really does that, some people does but sometimes we just take for granted the time we have. We will keep thinking we have time, there's always time. But time waits for no one. I may still take time for granted but I will try to make an effort to those important to me. Talk to them whenever I can. It's scary how life can be so unpredictable yet no one can expects that it will happen on themselves. Everything has settled now, the past few days so hard for all of us and the days to come may not be easy but we will all get through it.
