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It's been a while since I last post something here. Somehow there isn't anywhere for me to pen down my thoughts so here I am trying to sort my feelings today. Firstly, today wasn't a good day at all. I felt really depressed cause I feel fat about myself. I know I'm not those super hot girls or skinny or tone girls out there and i do gain weight when i had too much good food and yet i have done nothing so far. I did try jogging and exercise and then i stop a while and today, I wanted to go and have a early jog make up of the sinful dinner i had last night. But I end up sleeping till early afternoon. Instead of having to feel all these negative feeling about myself, I really want to start pushing myself to exercise not to be skinny but to be fit an tone. This i got to keep telling myself.

For this next part, I really do not know how to pen it down. It just mixture of feelings everywhere about things. There are some things i really want to sort them out but just never the right timing. Which leads to it being postponing every single time. Sigh, I am really feeling so messed up. Also, this is really stupid and yes I am that easily emotional. My brother got to eat the last slice of my birthday cake that was given to me by my boss. I ate them last night but of course I wanted to have them again today which i didn't get a chance to. I was so so mad about it that i cried. Silly of me but i was that meaningful to me cause she went through the trouble to remember the design of cake i like and picking up the cake yesterday and surprising me with it. Somehow negative attracts negative so when i start my day bad somehow it doesn't turn good at all through out. There are things i really want to say but you seems so far now. 

Shall attempt to pen down more here, about events in my life. 

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I'm tired of having my heart let down again by the people whom meant to me.

Reflection

Someday everything will make sense

It's been a while since i have chop off a good amount of my hair. Feel younger these days and some friends of mine had commented that i look younger! Feel so good to hear these words haha. Anyway, just going to blog a bit for now while waiting for my video to load and time to get ready for tonight's FN Christmas party! Dress code is Dress to Impress and i really have nothing new in my wardrobe so i am just going to pick any dress that i will look good in. Been thinking if i should spend my money on shopping and most occasion i actually will give up and not spend but i really do find my wardrobe boring now! So maybe i will then, so fickle minded me. 

Everything that has happen, some of us grew stronger, some still haven left their comfort zone and people still trying to figure things out and making them right. But what is right to me ain't right for someone else. I learn so much from people, how I am still so trusting to people at times. When you are in a situation where you are so blinded by the things around you compare to someone out of it. They see things so clearly other people can't. My gut instinct always turns out to be right. I hope they are wrong some times. 

Mini Updates

Hi, I'm back! Lack of updates in this space and I have been so lazy to transfer pictures from my camera and iphone. And using my new laptop while all my other things are still in the old one. Makes me even lazier to get all the things into the new laptop. Shall not procrastinate anymore and start doing them. Just lazing around at home almost every day. Just watch finish one korean drama in one week time! Going to start working tomorrow onward, shall not keep myself at home it's making me shut out of the world and just be alone kind hahaha. I always love being around people, it makes me happy!

My weekends was spend with alvin, had a staycation and just eat and relax only! Met sheryl and winston for movie, Pitch Perfect! This movie is so awesome everyone just got to watch it! Was laughing and smiling during the show cause i was just so amaze by their voices. Don' mind catching it again if any of my friends wants to watch it. Then my manager's wedding on sunday afternoon where i get to see most of the FN girls!

Life as it is

I guess it's alright since this is what I wanted or wish to happen and it has I just have to accept it. I may have my own protective or selfish thoughts cause I'm afraid of getting hurt or losing someone. And if I'm always scared of this I'll just push more people away from me. This is not what I want, what I want is to have everyone around me be happy always. I'm taking the risk, I'm getting myself out there. Even if I were to get hurt, at least that's a lesson learn. If I'm scared, I'll just lose people. If I'm brave, I might just be able to keep them by my side.

Thoughts @ 0030

Had such a fulfilling day today and there was time to relax and just travel from one place to another! Such things don't come by so often and I'm so happy with the whole day. The company was just awesome, talking about everything under the sun. Felt good to have said things out instead of keeping them inside me and listening to words of advice. The scenery was so comforting as well, i can just sit there and stare into the sky thinking of nothing but how amazing everything is. It's good for me, something from the usual going to town, shopping and eating. This however, i found happiness. Haven felt such happiness for a while now and the whole day was just filled with laughter and smiles, no worries at all! I'm going to make an effort to have this kind of outing from time to time.

This time round i had my own insecurities, felt out of place which i always encounter once in a while which left me feeling awful. But it's okay now, because at the end of the day I'm important even if I'm not to others but to myself at least i am. It's amazing how my bf can read me and understand me before i know it myself. Sometimes I wonder if I am that easy to read or he just know what is bothering me faster than i do. He sure is amazing :) 

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maybe i am sensitive to things these days. The words "it's expected to happen" scares me, two person told me this but that two person talk me out of it. Its comforting to know that it happens to bbg before and there she is now giving me advice for me but yet i'm afraid that things will end up bad too. What can i say, what can i do, how to react, i really don't know. I guess I'm sticking to take things one at the time and just let it go. It's quite contradicting that one minute you can say this and the other feel something else. Oh well, the mind and heart never work well together. Mind over matters.

Things fall apart so that better things can fall into place