Fake Front

Someone told me this today.

"Wah not bad ar. You cranky still can smile"

I guess this is what i'm good at? Hiding all my feelings behind that smile of mine. Trying to be happy in front of people. Doing stupid things that my friends think i'm crazy and happy. But in the end, i know i am not. Because of so many things around me that prevents it. My crazy inner paranoid head of mine. I like the feeling of acting all crazy carzy infron of people because all the things that are hurting or bugging me seems to be gone and i don't have to think about i. But whenever i'm not with anyone or just alone. Who is there to let me act some more? Since when did i turn out like this. Why did i even allow myself to turn out like this? Why is Family, Studies, Friends and Love so hard to handle, so hard to make it all right? I'm tired of acting. I want to be true to myself. Having someone as though they are not even there sucks the most. Because you know there is someone that close to you but you can't even turn to that person. What have i really become. A girl who shuts herself out from everyone? I don't even talk to people about myself anymore. About my life anymore.