So today is the start of my hell week. No money for anything. i only have 30 in my wallet to last me till end of this week. Seriously going to spend as little as possible. My bestfriend's birthday is tmr and i have no money to eat with her. Yes i don't mind going down to meet her but what about my dinner? what am i suppose to be eating? i freaking hate the state i'm in. You know the feeling that you can't even enjoy what makes you think that you can make your bestfriend happy on her birthday? this state i'm in i don't even think i can make anyone around me happy. i'm just miserable. i'm worthless. i'm having the hardest time in my year. Nothing is helping to make me feel any better? now i'm thinking if i'm worth to treasure. If i'm worth to anyone. I'm happy and glad to see some of my friends comforting and helping me and all. but you have to be so straight forward to my face. Even will all my friends around. i still feel like i'm nothing and i really need assurance so damn badly now. I feel like giving up. Giving up on everything i ever had. Maybe i should stop living in my dreams and face reality. Cause i want to be nothing to anyone. i want to stay away from people. i want to not hurt myself and the people i care about. i want to start my life by not letting anyone get close to my heart. i wish i have an accident that allow me to have memory lost. My last 19 years of life i want to forget and start everything again. With the new person whom is icy cold and not as gullible as i am now. It's so hard to maintain something that has cracks in it. that no one bothers to care. that force you not to think about. why did i let myself fall so badly that i couldn't even stand on my feet again.
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